a reminder.

The day was wrapping up and little man started acting unusual.  Very tired but particularly sensitive.  He cried a lot, which is pretty much the opposite of him.  We gave him his bath and put him to bed with the suspicion that he had come down with something.  Sure enough, when he woke up the next morning he had a cold.  It’s that time of year.

Over the weekend he worsened.  A bad cough and lots of wheezing.  He made us nervous but he was so happy.  We have the happiest child in the world, of that I am convinced.  Monday morning, first thing, we made a doctor’s appointment.  Little man has bronchiolitis and reactive airway disease.  He’s now taking steroids and we’re doing breathing treatments 4 times a day.

I’m sure every parent knows how I feel.  No one likes to see their child struggle, to hurt, to ache.  I want to fix it.  I am pretty good at handling ear infections by now.  I’m used to colds– hate the junk in the nose, makes me so sad for him, but we’ve dealt with them.  But this– this is scary.  It brings back scary moments from the past, and I’m not sure how to process it.  I’ve shared before how Jack was critically ill shortly after he was born.  I’ve shared his story a lot.  It’s a miracle and I pray that I never tire of singing God’s praises in healing Jack.  We never want to forget where he was and where God brought Him.  We never want to be anything but thankful.  Those were hard days, but they taught us a lot, both as people and parents.  I’m not sure where we’d be without those days, without that trial.  I am thankful for it.

This respiratory stuff Jack has now, it hits close to home.  I don’t want to watch him struggle to breathe again.  I don’t want to bring up those memories of early NICU days, those images that I’ll never get out of my head.  But at the same time, I am thankful for the reminder.  Too much time has passed since I’ve thought about the healing work God has done in Jack.  It’s been too long since I really prayed over my child.  Too long since I gave songs of thanksgiving for his health.  Too long since I watched his chest rise and fall with ease, amazed at how smoothly it was all going.  I don’t want to take these things for granted.  So while I hate to watch my baby in pain, struggling, I will remain thankful for this reminder, painful as it may be, and I will expectantly wait for healing of Jack’s lungs.

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