same song different tune.

These ears…

Oh how they’ve given me much mama heartache.

They’re also teaching me things too…

Ear infections are my arch nemesis.

We went back to the pediatrician today because Jack didn’t seem to be feeling better, and I just knew– you know that Mama-know– that the antibiotic wasn’t cutting it.  Sure enough, the pediatrician said “wow” when she looked in his left ear.  Not what you want to hear.  So we got a new antibiotic to try.  Here’s to hoping this one works!  After we left the pediatrician’s office, I got on the phone right away.  I called Tommy first– we’re partners in this, and it pains him just as much as it does me.  Then I started thinking of who else to call.  And what I realized was how wrong my reasoning was.  I was looking for people to comfort me.  To tell me that it would be ok.  That this wouldn’t last long.  That our problems stink, but we’ll get through it.  You know, I was trying to conjure up some sympathy.  I think any time you conjure up sympathy, it’s a bad sign.

And while I believe God intends for us to support and love the people in our community, I also know 2 things:

1.  No one likes a whiner.

and

2.  My heart was totally in the wrong place.

I wasn’t even asking anyone to pray for relief for my sweet Jack.  I’ve been praying for Jack, but what I was seeking from people was probably purely selfish.  Purely me wanting their sympathy.  Just self-seeking.  Gross.

So I realized a few things– even though this is tough, but more than it being tough, I’m just frustrated.  Frustrated that Jack has to go through this again.  Frustrated that the tubes were our magic cure-all but they didn’t last.  Frustrated that our little guy has to suffer and be in pain.  Even though this is how I feel, and I feel discouraged right now, I was reminded that His grace is enough.  His grace is enough to get me through the day, and that’s all I need.

I sit here in the evening and low and behold, I’ve made it through the day.  And I will make it through the night ahead– no matter how long Jack wakes up for– no matter how badly he’s hurting.  I made it through this whole week, and last week, too.  The days are more challenging with hurting ears, but we’ve gotten through each one.  And not only that, but at the end of the day, we’re still smiling, hugging, and lovin each other.  I go to bed so thankful for my family.

I’ve also become aware of my complaining.  Nine ear infections for a 17 month old sucks.  But really, people are dealing with way worse things with their kids.  My foster mama friend who has loved on her baby from his first days, when he was withdrawing from the crack he’d always known.  My friends with premature babies who struggle and fight every day for life and growth.  My friend who fought for her life and had to love on her kids from a distance because of the chemo.  Mamas who I read about who’ve lost their husbands.  Husbands who’ve lost their wives and have young children to lead and love.  Mamas and Dadas who watch their child fight a life-challenging illness.

My child is healthy.  He is thriving.  He is so full of joy.  How dare I complain.  I’m so thankful for our health.  So I’m struggling– emotionally with how I feel about Jack’s ear problems resurfacing, but more so spiritually as I process all of these things put on my heart.  There’s a lot of ugliness, and I’m thankful for the One who chips away at it.

Dear friend, thank you for reading.  Thanks for continuing to read despite my complaints, and don’t expect this to be the last time I mention his ears.  I’ll probably talk about them many more times.  Next week perhaps.  Happy weekend to you!

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