where i’m at.

This is going to be a sort of random thoughts post.  Lots of randomness running through my mind, wanting to get it out there.  It probably won’t all tie together.  Such is life.



Felt very refreshed, very challenged at church yesterday.  It’s always good to be in church on Sunday mornings with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  This morning was definitely that and left us thinking and talking.  Tommy and I got to speak briefly with the pastors before we left, and they were very encouraging to us as we continue to walk this journey.  Very thankful for words of encouragement that keep on coming.


Then we went to Target, and as I was bending over my necklace got caught on the buggie and broke.  This is the necklace that Tommy helped me pick out and order days after we found out about Gabriel’s health problems.  I have worn it EVERY SINGLE DAY since I got it.  It’s my “G” and “J” necklace.  I got a necklace with a “J” on it after Jack was born and wore it all the time.  So after we became so aware of the significance of Gabriel’s life already, Tommy recognized that I needed a necklace with his initial, too.  This one has 2 strands, with one of my boys’ initials on each strand.  The strand that completely broke today was the strand with the “G” on it.  The “J” strand was just fine.  And as soon as I felt it snap I was devastated and before even looking knew how it broke.  As I took it in, I realized how much that moment represented our lives.  I had Jack sitting right there in the shopping cart, healthy, happy, squirming, perfectly fine and right here in my hands.  I had Gabriel with me in my belly, always with me but unable to hold him.  I feel like that’s how my life will be with him.  I pray I do get to hold him for a little while.  We pray that we do get that time with him as our little baby.  But I know, longer term, he will always be with me, but not in my hands.


Tommy says we can get my necklace fixed.  He said any jeweler would be happy to help me get it fixed quickly when I explain our story to them.  In the meantime, I’m going to try to forget that happening, especially as it’s so close to the end of our pregnancy.


Speaking of the end, it is drawing near, and we are finding ourselves at peace with that.  I didn’t actually think we’d get to a place where we’d be “ready”.  And I don’t know that I would necessarily use that word, but Tommy and I are feeling peaceful and thankful for all of this time that we’ve had.  We really didn’t think we’d get this much time with Gabriel, and we’re so thankful for all of it!  And hopeful for more to come.  We’ve really been able to do everything that we wanted to.  His room has been ready for a little while now, Tommy’s finished his CD, I have clothes for him, we have precious sweet gifts from others to shower him with and help us celebrate him.  We’ve had adventures, we’ve spent lots of time together as a family, we’ve lived normal life with him — which I never thought we’d be able to do.  We are thrilled to be 35 weeks along!  We are so proud of him and know he is such a little fighter to be with us.  We are so thankful for him.  And now, we are just feeling excitement to get to meet our son.  We are anticipating his arrival and feeling so joyful of what is to come.


Thank you for all of your prayers, as we know we wouldn’t have the peace we have without them.  We are so touched by everyone’s love for our family and thank you for continuing to support us.

2 thoughts on “where i’m at.

  1. With admiration and love for you. I wore a grey rubber bracelet on my arm almost three years in honor of my son-in-law (grey signifying brain cancer). Replaced it only once when the first broke after 17 mos. the second broke days before he died.
    I’m not a bracelet person, it brought me comfort.
    One thing he said to my daughter before he went into surgery 3 years before “either I go to heaven and join my dad, or I come back to you and mom. It is a win-win situation.”

    Gabriel is in a win-win situation. He is blessed to have you and Tommy and Jack as family, and blessed to be surrounded by prayers.

  2. Pingback: a year in review. | adventures of jack and me

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