It has rained a lot this year. A whole lot. We are right at the rainfall total for the year — and it’s only July. That’s a lot of rain. I always found it fitting, all the rain, because it started right when we found out about Gabriel. It rained for 8 days straight after we found out, heavy rain. It rained a lot all spring. And then the day of Gabriel’s burial, it was supposed to rain — I fully expected it to rain, it would only be fitting. But it was beautiful. The weather was a perfect 70 degrees and so beautifully sunny on that early May day. He was healed and in Heaven and that beautiful day represented it.
This summer the weather has been pretty crazy. Lots of afternoon thunderstorms and bursts of rain. Today Jack and I were driving when we drove into a patch of heavy rain. It was pounding on the top of the car, running down the sides, my wipers were going crazy. I noticed Jack’s face; he looked scared. About 30 seconds in, he said “out, out” and was pulling on the door handle. I asked him if he wanted to get out of the car, and he said yes. I told him, “I’ll get you out when we get to Lindsay’s house, but until then, we just have to ride in the rain.”
He was scared. He didn’t like where we were, he didn’t like the heavy rain falling on us. He didn’t like that things changed from light to dark so quickly. And he thought that if he could just get out of the car, that he’d get away from what we was afraid of. That it’d all be ok.
I recognized that so quickly in his actions, because that’s exactly how I am these days. It was like a video of myself was playing out right in front of me. I want to run from the dark cloud that we have entered under this year. I want to get out of where we are, hoping to find sunshine and brighter days. I think that if I can just get out of here, or away from here, or over there, that things won’t be scary and hard any more. It’s our instinct — whether we’re 2 and afraid of the heavy rain, or we’re 26 and afraid of the hardness of our lives. We want to get out of the dark and find the sunshine again. But sometimes we were meant to ride in the rain for awhile. And as soon as I said those words to Jack, telling him that we were going to ride in the rain, I knew that was true of our lives, too, and not just that one moment. I so badly want to have an easy life, one full of sunshine. But the thing is, that nothing ever grows without the rain. And sometimes, those rain storms last for a long, long time, and we weren’t meant to get through them quickly. So we buckle down, learn to face what we’re afraid of, and ride on in the rain.
But the thing about a heavy rain storm like that is that there’s a rainbow at the end.