I started going to see a counselor back in the summer. I realized I needed help processing things. I was getting easily stressed, easily overwhelmed, and was becoming increasingly anxious. I ended up back at my incredible OB’s office even after I’d had my last 6 week appointment. I was stressed and I didn’t have another doctor, they were everything to me, and I knew they would help me. So I went and saw my nurse practitioner who I count my friend and my sweet OB. I told them I would start going to counseling. And I did.
My pastor and his wife pointed me to a woman on staff at our church who was very helpful to me. I saw her several times and was greatly encouraged by her. Here is my version of something she told me to explain grief:
- You’re standing in the ocean looking out onto the beach. And little waves come up and pass you by. They might bobble you a little but for the most part you get through them okay. Then all of the sudden, out of nowhere you get completely knocked down by a huge wave, and you never saw it coming. You stay down for a little while, have a really hard time getting up, and struggle to stay on your feet and face the waves that come in after that.
And I am learning how true this is. There are many times where I thought we were through the worst of it and wouldn’t have any more really hard times. But then I get knocked down by a big wave and remember that we are still in the grieving process.
For those who are also grieving and newer in the journey than us, I want to encourage you that it is better now. It’s not as constant and as heavy as it was earlier on. We still have hard days or weeks but we have also noticed that they are more spaced out than they were. I can talk freely about Gabriel now without tearing up like I did earlier on. I can process things and handle more in my day to day life than I could in May and June and July. But when the hard days come, they are hard and I’m reminded of just how different grieving is than anything else I’ve been through in life. The hard days make it all so real and remind us of what we miss and how much we love our Baby Gaby.
This summer we sang this song at church a lot. And I always found it so very true to our life this year. It hits home hard. “Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your Sovereign hand will be my guide” We have learned that to be so true this year. I’ve never experienced grace like I have this year. Have never experienced hope like I have this year.
I hope you will find great encouragement in it, too.