5 years of marriage.

Five years ago we were married.  It was a beautiful day in East Tennessee and we had such a sweet wedding day.  I know that neither of us imagined what our future would hold just 5 years down the road.  As we stood up together in front of our family and friends we made promises and committed to each other forever.  In sickness and health, in good and bad, in rich and poor, for better or worse.  Those words were dear to my heart, but I had no clue how deep they would become and run in our marriage.  We were happy and started our life of bliss together.

morgan wedding





A mere 2 weeks after we got married we moved to Maryland.  It was when we finally got there after a 12 hour drive that should have taken only 9 hours and pulled off into our new apartment, that I first realized life wasn’t always going to be what I had imagined.  The very nice apartment I thought we were moving into, wasn’t so very nice.  I had never lived outside of Tennessee before.  I had never seen so many of the things we saw in DC.  I had never been so far away from my family.  I had never lived in 600 square feet with anyone before.  I had never taken the Metro to get around.  Never ridden buses to get places.  We had never bought a house before or worked with a crooked realtor in the past.  These were all things that Tommy and I had to adjust to and work through together.  These were all things that helped to form the foundation for our marriage.  These were all really, really good things.  Some moments were tough, some were scary, some were fun, and some were just down right hilarious.  Most of these things are things we look back on so fondly of our first year of marriage.  Most of them are things we look back on and laugh about and appreciate so much.


I think being able to handle the little twists and turns that happened in the first year or two we were married, really helped pave the way for how we would handle the real stuff next.  While we wouldn’t have imagined having Jack the day after our 2nd anniversary, having him in our lives is far better than any plan we had.  We didn’t think we would end up back in Tennessee for a long time, if ever, but we got to come back home when Jack was just over 5 months old.  Just when we felt like we were back on the track of planning our life out again, we decided to have kids 2 years apart.  And as you all know, we learned how to let go of planning and control.  We certainly never would have imagined having a baby with a fatal chromosomal syndrome.  We never would have thought we would lose a child.  While being a parent is hard in general, losing a child is the worst thing parents could go through.  But the amazing thing is that I didn’t have to go through it alone.  I have always had my husband by my side.  The man God chose for me — knowing he would be my best match to go through all of these things in life.


When I reflect on our marriage and our 5 years married, I am blown away by how loving and wonderful Tommy is.  He has always stood by me, supported me, loved me well, and the same for our boys, too.  He is one of the kindest, most loving people I’ve ever known, and I’m so thankful I get him.


Now when I think about our future, I don’t plan or really imagine what things will be like.  I’ve learned in these 5 years that I just can’t even imagine.  And while we’ve been through some really, really bad, worse, sickness, and death stuff, we’ve also been through some really precious, sweet, lovely, hopeful, joyful, and life stuff too.  Five years feels big and while I’m celebrating that time together, I also look at it and just celebrate that we’ve survived all of this stuff that we have.

5 year anniversary


I am so very thankful for this man, my husband.  I love you, Tommy!  Happy anniversary!


Well kids, our weekend is here.  Today is Day 1 of the Anni-Jacka-Birthday weekend.  Tommy coined the term “Anni-Jacka-Birthday” 2 years ago when Jack was born on the day in between our anniversary and my birthday. Tommy and I were married on May 24th, Jack was born 2 years later on May 25th, and my birthday is May 26th.  Actually, this year it’s my golden birthday.  We keep saying that we’re going to go to the beach for the week every year, but things keep coming up — like due dates on my birthday.  Jack and Gabriel were both due on May 26th, so that adds some extra weight to my birthday this year.  I think the time Gabriel came was absolutely perfect, but the 26th is a big reminder of him.


So this is typically our party week – several reasons to celebrate big.  When we found out we were due May 26th again with baby #2, it was crazy!  What are the odds of my due date being my birthday… twice!  So we envisioned adding another birthday onto the Anni-Jacka-Birthday week.  Tommy was pulling for the 23rd .  That was until that January day where our world turned upside down.


So normally I get really excited about this time, but this year I don’t feel like celebrating much.  Sunday will be 3 weeks since Gabriel was born and then passed away.  It doesn’t seem right to have a big weekend celebrating when we don’t have him here with us.  I know people will tell me that he’d want us to celebrate and all of that stuff.  I’m sure it’s true, but that doesn’t change how I feel.  So this year we’re balancing and having a hybrid sort of Anni-Jacka-Birthday.  We definitely want to celebrate these things and celebrate our sweet Jack turning 2 [!!!!]  but it’s not the big weekend it normally would be.  I couldn’t do a party for Jack this year.  I knew Gabriel would come before his due date so that made it hard to plan a party early, and I knew I just wouldn’t be able to do it after Gabriel was born this year.  Jack will be fine, mostly because he’s awesome, but also because he’s turning 2, so he probably won’t know the difference.  We plan on spending the day doing special things with him and then we’ll celebrate his birthday with both of our families this weekend.  We’ll make sure he’s well celebrated.



So on to today — our anniversary.  Some words for my husband.


Four years ago on this day I never could have imagined where our lives would lead.  I couldn’t have dreamed that we would have moved 4 times, bought 2 houses, worked on one all the time, got a puppy, survived that, crazily got another puppy, got really great starts on our careers in DC, got to move home, and had 2 babies.  We made it through the crazy new parent, newborn phase.  We made it through not knowing if Jack would make it after he was born so sick.  I never in a million years could have dreamed how sweet our Jack would be and how much we’d love being parents, or what road we would walk with our Gabriel.  I never would have thought on our 4th anniversary that we’d have 2 kids and have lost one of them.  But somehow through all of that, we are closer and stronger.  When the trials have come, when the biggest fire of all started us off this year, we drew closer to God and closer to each other and he’s made us see that we’re each others greatest ally.  I’m really thankful that in these past few weeks, my greatest comfort, my favorite thing in the dark days is talking with you.  Or just sitting with you as the heavy silence speaks volumes over us.  I’m thankful for you, Tommy.  And as hard as life’s been this year, I know for sure I couldn’t have gotten through it without you by my side.  Here’s to many more years, love!