Dear mom who has more children than anyone can see with you,
Hi, sweet mama. How are you feeling this Mother’s Day? It’s nice to be celebrated as a mom, but it can be so painful when it just brings reminders that part of us is no longer here. That we are forever changed because a chunk of our heart has passed away. That our very life as we know it, will never be as we had imagined or thought.
I know this day is hard and that it can bring so many emotions with it. I know we all remember and celebrate in different ways. I also know that ignoring this day, ignoring the memories and the celebrations of our children — of our motherhood, is so much worse than embracing it in all its forms. While remembering and talking about the hard parts of our motherhood can be painful, pretending it didn’t happen is just excruciating. Our children are precious and each of them should be celebrated. You are a mother — whether you were pregnant for 8 weeks or have children who have children of their own.
Be strong today. Stand tall and remember that you have strength and support from those around you and those who walk this road with you. Be proud today. Be proud of your amazing children both here on earth and those who are already in Heaven. Share their stories and take the opportunity of this day celebrating moms to do what moms do best — brag on their kids. Be real. Tell people how you are doing today. It’s okay if today seems impossibly hard. It’s okay if today isn’t really that hard. Share with people who don’t understand what all comes with losing a child. Tell them how you wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything in the world. Be brave. Even though this day isn’t the same for us mamas who know the loss of a child, it doesn’t mean we need to hide out around this time. Be kind to yourself. So much of motherhood is demanding. Do what you need to do today. Want some quiet time? Ask for it. Need some help? Ask for it. Want to do something adventurous? Go for it. Want to spend the day in your PJs? Call me, cause I’m in!
This is my prayer for you today — that you will be all of these things. That you will feel loved. That you will celebrate the special blessings in your life, even if they were here for way too short a time.
And know that you are not alone. Ever. At all. You may not be surrounded by children, or you may but are still missing the one who isn’t here. But that doesn’t mean you are alone. Because even if you have no one beside you, you have all of us mamas who know the ache you know. Who hurt deeply on this day where we celebrate moms. Who don’t get to hug and kiss those precious faces that we see each time we close our eyes. Who take a deep breath before walking into a room of moms and kids, knowing we are “that mom” — the one who lost a child. Who feel torn between living in a world that is our reality and wondering so often what could have been. You are not alone. And you are loved. So very loved.